Mumblings

The last post was probably too graphic and ought to have atleast carried a caveat of some sort for the weak hearted. My apologies. I don't know what brought it on. I was really tired and pissed off with doing what I was doing. Also I've been having very gory dreams and conversations of late. Its possible that it could be because of a fantasy novel I'm reading, where an impossible civil war has broken out and has cost the lives of thousands of civilians thus far. The author does well to describe the deaths at each battlescene.
Also I've grown extremely irritable of late, especially regarding academic affairs. I must check my impulses.

I was thinking about it, and it seems to me that I simply cannot partake of any activity that I do not feel like doing. I postpone, dilly-dally, even sit with it and stare at the screen before taking the umpteenth smoke break. But I always despise taking the plunge into something I inherently dislike. Five years at Nalsar has left me broken and impaired in this regard. I don't think I regret it though. Fits me fine.

I haven't completed my aforementioned project yet, but I've reached a stage where I know it'll get done. Now I mustn't act against my character and try to finish it quickly and submit it today. Anything to the contrary will cause further mayhem in my head.
I must chill now, blog maybe. A day's further delay won't make anything any worse than it already is with 2 days, the Jah willing - my word for some divine holiness or satan's agent that looks out for me when I'll need him the most. And its a 'He'. I guess it makes me feel less bad about not praying to 'Him' or keeping in touch with 'Him' except when I need 'Him' the most.

Now I shall go get myself a smoke.