Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Deathcab for Cutie (I couldn't think of a title for this one)

I've been called many mean things in this lifetime. I've also been called many good things so far - more often than the mean ones I must say, but we all know flattery gets around more than honesty - however, today my thoughts found the mean side of things to be digressed by.
Some of the more memorable mean things said to me have been arsehole (millions of times, especially in school), dildo (nearly became a psuedonym), loser, curses that include 'I hope the worst in life happens to you', to the most recent 'lying, slimy, cowardly fuck' with reasons being provided for the use of each word.
You must think I've really fucked with the lives of some people. I cannot extend any defense to this except that I've fucked with no one who hasn't fucked with me first.

Anyway this got me thinking regarding the villainous side to myself. As in if I were to be one of those heavily tatooed, bad guys with lots of eye-liner, what would I be doing? How badly could I be bad?

I've never had any daydreams about being an evil person, even though I fancy being one now. However, till date I've always wanted to be a hero. Someone who saves lives, especially those of pretty damsels. I've never dreamt of being say a killer. But in light of the recent appraisals I have recieved, I for once wished to kill people.
I thought about it and figured I could only kill for 2 reasons.
a) Intense Hatred
b) Vengeance

A close friend and I were discussing how to kill people, or rather what do we really want to do to the people we want to kill. I shortlisted 3 people that I would really like to see destroyed. In the first category there exists only one person. There's just one person I can say that I truly hate. Its this girl I used to know. I wish to lock her in a coffin, and bury her alive. The coffin shall contain enough air to last a few days and shall also have a microphone attached to it. The microphone shall be connected to my speakers where I can hear my prey wail though suffocation for hours. I'll record the screams for posterity, into a tape I shall call "Bitch's Moan". I only wish that even 7 deaths do not kill her, and she lies there wailing for all eternity.

In the latter category exists 2 males, both older than I. For one, who also happened to be my warden till a few years back, I have the most elaborate props in minds. I wish to construct a slide made of sharp razor blades and jutting out broken pieces of glass, atleast 100 feet in length, put at an apprpriate angle. Then I will proceed to strip him of his clothes and shove him down from the top of the slide. What he won't know is that the slide ends in a pool of antiseptic - Dettol - in which I shall let him remain till he goes numb with pain. If he drowns well and good, if he doesn't I'll shoot between his eyes, just in case.

The third is that of a senior from college. Haven't met him since his graduation and have not wished to meet him till I had this newfound desire to exact revenge. I do not wish to kill him. All I want to do is to string him up by his testicles, naked and upside down from a Banyan tree. Videotape him and put it up on Youtube. hah. Go fuck yourself now big boy. Bastard.
*I'll title the video 'The Hanging of The Man'*

Haaah. I feel strangely relieved and physically tired. I have to return to my paper on Telemarketing and Consumer Law which is 2 days overdue; from which this monlogue was but a mere break. I have strong reasons to believe that prolonged formal education has brought out the worst in me.

Cheers and if anything is found offensive, then they have been inserted with such intent.

4 comments:

Yemeth said...

That right there is a whole lot of hatred for sure(I'm trying to sound like a Texan). hanging of the man?
no no. better just call it the hangman. short and sweet.

Atul Vishwanathan said...

evil has a mother...

The Reluctant Rebel said...

So its the jobless and the overworked who have such fantasies then. Hmmm.

rorschach said...

@ saha : possible, with other mitigating factors though. I am jobless and I was overworked. whats there.